In order to best enjoy the stocking-full of wintertainment that is Jingle All The Way, I’ve devised a little cocktail to help you jingle, it’s called:
Arnold Punched A Reindeer
1 bottle of Bailey’s Irish cream (refridgerated)
1 & 1/2 oz Fireball (cinnamon) whiskey
1/2 oz root beer schnaps
Peppermint candies (yes, unwrapped)
Pour Fireball and root beer schnaps into your rocks glass. Then, fill glass with cold Bailey’s Irish Cream to about 3/4 full. Then, plunk your peppermint candy in, to give it that reindeer-punching good flavor!
I’m giving Jingle All The Way a three Reindeer Punch rating–just enough to get your cheeks rosy, as you nestle by the fire with dreams of Arnold dancing through your head. Soon, he will come for you. Get to the choppa!
*NOTE: Movies on Trial does not, in any way, condone animal violence. I selected this drink title solely on the anti-holiday sentimentality stance this moment in the film embodies. No animals were harmed while Arnold punched a clearly-animatronic (aka, not real) reindeer during this scene. Please do not actually punch reindeer while drinking this beverage or while watching this movie.
Continuing the precedent set with Hudson Hawk, here is a Heaven’s Gate inspired cocktail courtesy of Brian Matthew Kim:
Let the barley malt for about a week, then add to a mash turn for 12 hours until the malt is dissolved into a wort. Place the wort into a wooden tank, add the yeast, and ferment for two days. Distill, then store the alcohol in oak casks and let mature for 3-10 years.
Alternatively, you can buy a bottle of top-shelf whiskey that is way out of your price range. (Michael Cimino would have it no other way.)
Drink-o-meter: 1 drink.
Serve your whiskey neat. Sip it slowly, at about the pace of the movie’s dialogue. At this rate, all three hours and forty minutes of Heaven’s Gate will require only one drink. As you consume your drink, admire the wallpaper around you.
We don’t just review movies–in our quest to bring you more (other than our own hilarity), every month one of us has to go along with a cocktail based on and designed to drink during that month’s movie–how many drinks you need is how bad the movie is.
So get your glasses ready for the Hudson Hawk, care of Jonathan Alexandratos:
-strawberries (a handful per drink)
-1.5 oz. of gin
-1 oz. of strawberry liqueur
-ginger beer, to float
-juice from 1/4 lemon wedge
Pour in your gin, strawberry liqueur, and lemon juice into a pint glass. Muddle the strawberries in the bottom of the glass. Stir in ginger beer, to taste. Drink.
DRINK-O-METER: 3 Drinks
Hudson Hawk will take three of these cocktails to get through–but don’t worry, just like the movie, someone will come along and drink the third one for you. (Really, he’s like the worst cat burglar in the world.)